Marco Island, that pristine paradise of retirees, snowbirds, and people who own more golf carts than friends, has found itself facing a truly Shakespearean dilemma:
Would you prefer a drive-through restaurant cozied right up against the local cemetery 🪦🍔… or a larger-than-allowed hotel looming over Winn-Dixie like a $42-million seagull? 🏨🕊️
Yes, those are the actual options. No, this is not satire. (Well… until now. 😌)
In a bold move that screams Florida real estate logic, developers proposed a 6,300-square-foot strip center with a drive-through restaurant perched right alongside:
Marco Island Cemetery 🪦
Jewish Memorial Gardens ✡️
Because nothing honors the solemnity of departed loved ones like the sound of an idling SUV and someone yelling, “Can I get extra ranch?!”
The site plan was already approved by the Planning Board back in June 2024 — proving, once again, that Marco Island bureaucracy can move quickly when french fries are involved. 🍟⚡
BUT WAIT — in a plot twist worthy of a daytime soap opera 🤯📺…
The same landowners told Marco Island City Council:
“We’ll skip the cemetery-burger-drive-thru IF you let us build a hotel bigger than zoning allows.”
Ah yes, the classic real estate hostage negotiation.
“Give us height variances… or the cemetery gets a Taco Bell.”
The proposed hotel would rise over the Winn-Dixie area like a monument to tourism dollars, sunscreen, and questionable parking strategies. 🏨💸
Imagine checking in and seeing a view of the Publix parking lot. Iconic.
City Council members are now tasked with deciding between:
Pros:
Quick lunch option
“Rest in Grease” jokes practically write themselves
Cons:
Might be haunted by ghosts demanding refunds
Pros:
More tourism $$$
Rooftop bars cure all zoning guilt
Cons:
Traffic, shadows, the usual Marco outrage
This isn’t merely a development question.
This is a philosophical exploration of Marco Island’s identity.
Will the island embrace quiet reflection next to a drive-through window?
Or will it ascend toward the sky with an ambitious hotel that boldly defies zoning?
It’s the eternal struggle: Tacos vs. Tourism.
Zoning vs. Zeal.
Cheeseburgers vs. Capitalism.
A tragedy… wrapped in a comedy… wrapped in a chicken sandwich. 🍗🎭
No matter which option is approved, one thing is absolutely guaranteed:
People on Marco Island will complain about it on Facebook.
Loudly.
Repeatedly.
For decades.
And honestly? That’s the real tradition worth preserving. ❤️📱