Because regular sliders didn’t believe in themselves enough.
10 minutes (or 3 commercial breaks)
15 minutes (one heated debate about pass interference)
Feeds 6–8 people, or 2 very hungry fans who “aren’t that hungry”
The Slider Squad
1½ lbs ground beef (80/20—fat equals flavor and forgiveness)
Salt & pepper (season like you’re mad at the opposing team)
12 slider buns (Hawaiian rolls = elite choice)
The “Definitely Not Big Mac Sauce” Sauce
½ cup mayo
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp yellow mustard
2 tbsp sweet pickle relish
½ tsp garlic powder
½ tsp onion powder
Paprika (a pinch, for mystery and confidence)
The Extras (Non-Negotiable)
6 slices American cheese (it melts like a fourth-quarter defense)
Shredded iceberg lettuce (the crunchier, the better)
Dill pickles, sliced
½ small onion, finely diced
Mix all sauce ingredients in a bowl. Taste it.
Say, “Wow, that’s dangerous.”
Put it in the fridge so it can think about what it’s done.
Divide beef into 12 small patties.
Make them slider-sized, not “I panicked” sized.
Season with salt and pepper like a seasoned coach who’s seen some things.
Heat a skillet or grill over medium-high.
Cook patties 2–3 minutes per side until browned and juicy.
Add cheese on top and let it melt dramatically.
Lightly toast slider buns until golden.
This step is important—untasted buns have no place on game day.
Bottom bun →
Generous spoon of secret sauce →
Beef patty with melty cheese →
Pickles →
Onions →
Shredded lettuce (add it last so it doesn’t wilt like your fantasy team) →
More sauce →
Top bun
Repeat until the tray is full or the defense gives up another touchdown.
Fries, tots, or “just one more slider”
Napkins. Many napkins.
A beverage of choice (hydration is key for yelling at the TV)
Want authenticity? Cut a middle bun layer from extra buns and double-stack like the real deal.
Feeding a crowd? Assemble all sliders on a baking sheet, brush tops with butter, and warm in the oven at 350°F for 5–7 minutes.
If someone asks, “Are these basically Big Macs?”
Say: “No. These are emotionally smaller.”