🌈 Key West’s most iconic splash of color — the rainbow crosswalks at Duval and Petronia in the newly named Historic Gayborhood — are once again under fire, this time from the Florida Department of Transportation (FDOT), arriving in full khaki to wage a war on joy.

On Friday evening, as locals sipped mojitos and watched the sunset, Key West City Manager Brian L. Barrosso received a stern letter from FDOT essentially saying: “Remove the rainbows or else.” Apparently, the state’s traffic overlords see these vibrant stripes beneath our feet as a dire threat to Florida’s traffic control standards. Because nothing screams “public safety” like enforcing uniform gray asphalt.

The deadline? September 3, 2025 — by then, the city must scrub away the colors or FDOT will descend with its beige paintbrushes and “any appropriate method necessary” (think reflective-vested crews armed with sandblasters, grimly erasing pride one pebble at a time). And, of course, the bill will land on Key West City Hall’s doorstep, probably stapled to a parking citation.

But FDOT didn’t stop at threats of rainbow removal. No, they warned that any further defiance could lead to state funds being withheld. Yes, Florida is ready to financially punish an island paradise for the high crime of colorful pavement. Somewhere, a bureaucrat is gleefully polishing traffic cones while whispering, “Order must be restored.”

Locals are far from amused. “It’s not a crosswalk, it’s a runway,” quipped one drag queen strutting across Duval. Tourists are snapping last-minute selfies, treating the rainbows like endangered species on the verge of extinction. (Move over, Key deer — there’s a new conservation crisis in town.)

Critics argue FDOT’s crusade is less about safety and more about keeping Florida’s streets as thrilling as a bowl of unsalted grits. After all, if one rainbow crosswalk stands, what’s next? Polka-dot stop signs? Glitter-coated yield triangles? Disco-ball traffic lights? Heaven forbid.

But Key West, never one to back down quietly, is already buzzing with rumors of protest. Will locals chain themselves to the crosswalks? Organize sequined flash mobs blocking FDOT trucks? Paint over the stripes each morning in guerrilla style? One thing’s certain: this isn’t just about paint. It’s about whether Florida will allow a splash of fabulousness on its otherwise soul-crushingly gray streets.

Stay tuned. Because come September 3, the Historic Gayborhood might just become the battleground where beige bureaucracy meets the defenders of sparkle. 🌈