🦆 Duck vs. Human: The Feathery Face-Off That’s Ruffling Feathers at SeaWorld Orlando
By The Orlando Overreactor 

ORLANDO, Fla. — In what legal analysts are already calling “Florida’s most fowl lawsuit of the year,” a woman is suing SeaWorld Orlando after a duck allegedly dive-bombed her face mid-ride on the Mako roller coaster — knocking her unconscious and sending the internet into a tailspin of disbelief and duck memes.

According to the lawsuit, the incident occurred on March 24, when the thrill-seeking plaintiff boarded the Mako, SeaWorld’s high-speed steel scream machine known for its 73 mph dives and not, until now, its unexpected poultry collisions. Somewhere between the ascent and the drop, a rogue duck apparently decided it had seen enough of humanity and launched a kamikaze-style protest — directly into her face.

The woman, an Orange County resident, is seeking at least $50,000 in damages, alleging that SeaWorld was “negligent in maintaining a reasonably safe environment for guests and in failing to warn of potential airborne ducks.”

Yes, you read that right: she’s suing over a duck strike.

Her attorneys from Morgan & Morgan (because, of course) claim SeaWorld “created a zone of danger for bird strikes” by placing the roller coaster near a body of water — otherwise known as the natural habitat of ducks. The suit even accuses SeaWorld of “disorienting waterfowl,” as if the ducks were somehow hypnotized by the shimmering blue tracks and EDM soundtrack of the Mako coaster.

Legal experts say the case could set a groundbreaking precedent for avian accountability.
“If roller coasters near ponds are negligent, then Florida itself is one giant lawsuit,” said one bemused Orlando attorney who asked to remain anonymous to avoid being subpoenaed by a goose.

The woman’s complaint lists a slew of alleged damages, including “pain and suffering of both a physical and mental nature” and the “loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life.” Some speculate she now experiences PTSD whenever she sees bread or hears a quack.

Meanwhile, SeaWorld has not commented on the pending litigation, though one park-goer was overheard saying, “Honestly, I’d pay extra for that kind of interactive experience.”

The Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services confirmed that SeaWorld didn’t report the incident, likely because “flying duck to the face” doesn’t fit neatly into their ride safety database — right between “minor wrist sprain” and “haunted by Shamu’s ghost.”

As for the duck, sources say it was last seen fleeing the scene, presumably lawyered up, and nesting near the Kraken ride.

🐤 In summary: One woman’s quest for thrill turned into an unplanned bird strike, one duck may now be Florida’s most wanted waterfowl, and somewhere in Orlando, a roller coaster operator is nervously Googling ‘aviary liability insurance.’