MARCO ISLAND — In the latest episode of “As the Council Turns,” Marco Island officials debated whether to invite the Florida Department of Government Efficiency — affectionately known as DOGE — to dig through the city’s checkbook. Because when you’re staring down a potential 34% property tax hike, nothing says “efficient” quite like handing over your wallet to Tallahassee.

Council Chair Erik Brechnitz, clearly nostalgic for middle school report cards, happily endorsed the idea: “They don’t even need our permission to do this,” he said—proving once again that Marco Island might be more of an auditor’s amusement park than an actual city.

But not everyone was ready to roll out the red carpet. Councilwoman Deb Henry worried DOGE might recommend slashing the “non-essentials,” like parks and recreation — which, let’s face it, are basically the only things making life bearable on a sandbar where traffic jams rival I-75 at rush hour.

Enter Councilman Rene Champagne, who, in a rare flash of inspiration, suggested the city conduct its own audit and call it “DOGE Marco Island.” His vision likely involved a panel of golden retrievers, a mountain of pizza receipts, and at least one councilmember Googling “How to balance a budget.”

Meanwhile, resident philosopher John Martini dropped some sage advice: “Invite them in, let them see the books, let them tell us what we’re doing right and what we’re doing wrong.” Translation: Somebody competent, please take the crayons away from these people.

For now, the council remains stuck between letting DOGE snoop or continuing to treat city finances like a neighborhood garage sale—with that looming property tax hike hanging over homeowners like a seagull eyeing a beach sandwich.

One thing’s certain: whether by DOGE, Champagne, or sheer dumb luck, Marco Island’s finances are about to get more attention than a lost tourist asking for the nearest bathroom during stone crab season.