This “bold fiscal ballet” reverses the city’s long-standing 2009 policy of not charging residents extra for existing utilities. That’s right — for sixteen long, luxurious years, Marco Islanders have enjoyed electric bills free from the government’s gentle tap on the shoulder followed by the subtle clearing of the throat: “Ahem, that’ll be 3%.”

💸 A Fee That’s Practically a Rounding Error… Unless It’s Yours

Officials estimate that the new fee will cost residents anywhere from $9 to $90 per year, or as city economists put it, “the cost of one artisanal brunch and a mojito — if you tip.” Opponents, however, suggest this is just the beginning of a slippery slope that ends with the city monetizing sunlight, salt air, and that feeling you get when you see a dolphin.

“I just think it’s dangerous,” one resident mumbled into a paper fan. “If they can charge for electricity, what’s next? A tax on air conditioning? A luxury surcharge for living somewhere that hasn’t frozen since the last Ice Age?”

⚖️ Fiscal Balance vs. Summer Rage

Council members in favor of the fee insist it’s a “minor tweak for major revenue stability.” They say it could help fund crucial city services like landscaping, sand alignment, and the ever-expanding Council Ego Preservation Fund.

Meanwhile, dissenting members—those brave champions of uninterrupted air-conditioning—warn of the full-time resident summer struggle: that sacred time of year when humidity clings like an emotional ex and electricity use skyrockets in a heroic battle against mold and mosquitoes.

Councilmember Wifferton McSnoot (probably not his real name) reassured skeptics: “It’s just three percent. Think of it as a small donation to the continued glamor of Marco Island. You’re welcome.”

🧾 Coming Soon to a Bill Near You

If the measure passes its final reading on August 18, the fee will begin appearing on bills in Fiscal Year 2026, right between the “fuel charge” you don’t understand and the “environmental recovery fee” you pretend to support.

Residents are encouraged to attend the next council meeting to voice their opinions or simply witness democracy at its most passive-aggressive.

So, if you feel the urge to protest, write your councilmember. Or, better yet, turn off your air conditioning and light a candle. You’ll save three percent.