🎄💄BREAKING: Florida Attorney General Declares War on Sequins — Demands Pensacola Cancel Christmas Drag Show Before Santa Lip-Syncs for His Life 💋🔥

PENSACOLA, Fla. — In what experts are calling “the most Florida headline since ‘Alligator Crashes Golf Cart While Holding Margarita’,” Attorney General Ashley Moody has stepped onto the holiday stage — not in heels, mind you — to heroically defend the Sunshine State from… fabulousness.

Yes, dear readers, the state’s top law enforcer has urged Pensacola to cancel a Christmas drag show, claiming it might “corrupt the holiday spirit.” Because nothing says “holy night” like government interference in a local theater’s lineup. 🎭✨

According to sources close to the situation (probably someone’s aunt on Facebook), Moody’s office expressed “grave concern” that Santa might swap his red velvet suit for rhinestones and a waist cincher. “We can’t risk Florida’s children learning the true meaning of Christmas — fierce self-expression and contouring,” one totally real and not at all invented spokesperson said.

The show in question, “A Very Merry Slay: The Drag Spectacular,” promises a night of music, laughter, and wigs taller than the Panhandle’s moral outrage. Organizers say the performance features “wholesome fun, tasteful humor, and just enough glitter to blind hypocrisy.”

But Moody wasn’t buying it. In a press release written entirely in capital letters and fear, she declared:

“CHRISTMAS IS NOT ABOUT DRAG, IT’S ABOUT JESUS AND SALES TAX REVENUE.”

Naturally, Pensacola’s drag community responded with grace, class, and a few devastatingly timed hair flips. Local queen Ivanna Sleigh-Her announced plans for a counter-event titled “ASHLEY MOODY’S CHRISTMAS MELTDOWN,”featuring interpretive dance, fog machines, and a full reading of the Attorney General’s complaint — to the tune of “Santa Baby.”

Meanwhile, Florida residents are reportedly torn. Some applaud Moody for “protecting family values,” while others point out that this is the same state where you can legally wrestle a python in a Walmart parking lot but not watch a man in heels sing “Jingle Bell Rock.”

🎅✨ Experts predict the controversy will only add more buzz to the show, much like when your cousin swears she’s not watching reality TV “for the drama.” Ticket sales have reportedly tripled since Moody’s announcement — proving once again that nothing promotes a drag show like a politician trying to cancel it.

As of press time, Santa Claus was unavailable for comment — but insiders confirm Mrs. Claus was spotted backstage, applying false lashes and whispering, “Let them slay.” 💋🎁