⚡️💸 Florida Power & Light Turns Up the Heat… on Your Wallet! 💸⚡️

A Sarcastically Sophisticated Analysis of Florida’s Spiciest New Rate Hike

Grab your monocles, Florida, because the Florida Public Service Commission just approved FPL’s biggest rate hike in history, and naturally, it’s being served with the kind of “for your own good” energy only billion-dollar utilities can deliver. 🧐✨

🔌 A Shocking Decision (Pun Fully Intended)

In a meeting that wrapped up late Thursday morning—because nothing bad ever happens before lunch—the commission voted to raise rates for more than 12 million customers statewide.

Translation:
Floridians: 😭
FPL: 😎
Corporations: 🥂

📈 The “Tiny” Increase That… Isn’t Tiny

Starting in 2026, your bill will rise by about $2.50 a month—
You know, the price of a gas station coffee or roughly 0.03% of one CEO’s weekly yacht fuel. 🚤💨

But wait—because there is more!

By 2029, your monthly bill will be up by $8.
That’s basically Netflix plus the privilege of keeping your lights on. 🍿💡

FPL calls it “necessary” because infrastructure is expensive and things simply cost more.
(Things = shareholder expectations, apparently.)

🏠 Homeowners: Pay More!

Critics are calling it a reverse Robin Hood:
Take from the homeowners, give to the corporations.

FPL’s approach:
🏠 Homeowners → 💸💸
🏢 Large Corporations → 💸 (But, like, less!)

If your house had feelings, it would file a complaint.

🎩 The PSC: Because Politics Are Cheaper Than Electricity

Members of the Public Service Commission, the folks approving these increases, are political appointees—
AKA: your electricity prices now come seasoned with a dash of politics and a faint aroma of lobbyist cologne. 🥃👔

Isn’t that reassuring?

⚙️ FPL’s Explanation, Summarized

“Trust us. We’re expanding infrastructure.”
Translation:
“We’re building fancy stuff. Please clap.” 👏🤖

🤡 Final Thoughts

So buckle up, Florida—
Because while hurricanes may knock out your power, FPL will make sure your bill stays strong and vibrant, year after year.

Welcome to the Sunshine State, where the sun is free, but apparently everything else requires a subscription. ☀️💸