🏝️ “Affordable Housing? How Positively Un-Naples of You!” 🏡🙄
By The Naples Not-In-My-Backyard Gazette

Ah, Naples — where the palm trees sway, the golf carts purr, and the word “affordable” is treated like it just sneezed on someone’s cashmere sweater. 💸🌴

In a shocking twist no one saw coming (except literally everyone), the city of Naples has expressed concerns — that genteel word we use when we really mean “absolutely not” — about Collier County’s plan to build a 105-unit affordable housing development.

Officials cite worries about traffic, infrastructure, and that timeless classic, “compatibility with surrounding neighborhoods.” Translation: “We moved here for tranquility, exclusivity, and to never have to park next to a 2012 Honda Civic again.” 🚗💅

🚧 The Horror of 105 Units

Picture it: hardworking nurses, teachers, and first responders living within driving distance of their jobs. Gasp! Next thing you know, they’ll want to shop at the same Publix as the rest of us. Where does it end?!

Rumor has it the city council’s collective blood pressure rose three points upon hearing the phrase “multi-family.” 👀💔

🏗️ County vs. City: The Showdown

Collier County, still clinging to the quaint idea that “people need places to live,” is moving forward with the project. Naples, meanwhile, is clutching its pearls and quoting infrastructure studies like scripture.

Officials say they simply want to ensure “responsible development.” Because nothing says responsibility like $3 million condos and seasonal residents who use their properties as elaborate humidity experiments. 🏖️📉

💬 A Resident Speaks (Probably)

“We totally support affordable housing,” said one resident, probably while adjusting a Rolex. “Just… you know, somewhere else. Maybe Fort Myers? Or another dimension?”

At press time, county leaders were reportedly considering moving the project slightly north — possibly to the mythical land known as “Not My Backyard.” 🪄✨

Until then, Naples continues to wrestle with the unthinkable: that the dream of paradise might one day include people who actually work there.