🥶❄️ BREAKING: Florida Faces Its Annual Iguana Apocalypse — Again 🌴🦎

Grab your fleece, your flip-flops, and maybe a helmet, Naples — because the sky is falling. Literally. Well, not the sky, but definitely something from it. 🦎💥

Yes, the annual “Iguana Blizzard” is back, that glorious time of year when Mother Nature takes a deep breath of Canadian air, exhales on Florida, and every green lizard from Marco to Miami suddenly forgets how gravity works.

🧊 “It’s Raining Reptiles!” — Said No One North of the Mason-Dixon Line Ever

When temperatures dip below 50°F — which Floridians consider “arctic tundra” territory — iguanas go full Frozen on us. ❄️💤 They become stiff, fall out of trees, and lay motionless on lawns, sidewalks, and occasionally on that one neighbor’s Lexus who “doesn’t believe in global warming.”

But don’t panic — they’re not dead. They’re just having a little involuntary nap courtesy of thermodynamics. In a few hours, they’ll wake up, look embarrassed, and scuttle away like they didn’t just body-slam the earth in front of horrified retirees.

🌬️ Naples Residents React

Locals are already preparing survival kits:

• 🧤 One decorative scarf (for aesthetics)
• ☕ Pumpkin spice latte (obviously)
• 🕶️ Sunglasses (because Florida)
• 🦎 Net or umbrella (depending on how fancy you are)

“Last year, one landed right next to my croissant,” said Barbara from Pelican Bay. “I thought it was a lawn ornament. Then it blinked. I screamed. My husband filmed it for TikTok. We got 20,000 likes.”

💡 Expert Advice (That We’ll Ignore Anyway)

Wildlife officials kindly remind residents not to poke the frozen iguanas, no matter how funny it looks for Instagram. “They will wake up,” says Dr. Chad Lizardson (probably). “And they will be confused and angry.”

Translation: It’s all fun and games until a half-thawed iguana goes full kung-fu on your patio furniture.

🐊 The Circle of (Florida) Life

So as the mercury plunges to a bone-chilling 49°F — practically Antarctica with better margaritas — let us unite as Floridians. Let us gather our pool floats, crank the heat to 72, and whisper a prayer for our cold-blooded brethren plummeting from the palms.

Because if there’s one thing stronger than an iguana’s survival instincts, it’s Florida’s ability to turn a bizarre natural event into a social media trend.

Stay safe, stay warm, and keep your heads up. Literally. 🦎☃️🌴