🎸 BREAKING NEWS FROM THE LAND OF Tumbleweeds & Tragic Iconography: Buddy Holly’s Crosswalk to Become History 🚶‍♂️💔

LUBBOCK, TX — Hold onto your horn-rimmed glasses, folks, because the city of Lubbock is about to commit the ultimate act of rock and roll sacrilege. The beloved Buddy Holly crosswalk—a vibrant tribute to the Texas-born rock legend, complete with his iconic specs 😎—is set to vanish into the asphalt abyss.

City Council members, in what can only be described as peak bureaucratic heroism, announced this week that the decision is non-negotiable. Why? A directive from the Trump administration (and their loyal Republican scribes 🖋️) has decreed that all public roadways must now be purged of any and all artistic expression or political messaging. Because nothing says “safe streets” like turning every crosswalk into an existentially bland expanse of gray paint 🖤.

Fans are devastated 😭. Some are reportedly already forming candlelight vigils, while others are taking selfies with the crosswalk before its imminent destruction—a sort of final, Instagrammable farewell, sweet prince. Others, less sentimental, are simply wondering how Lubbock will survive another cultural blow.

City Council spokesperson Gary McPavement (yes, that’s almost certainly a real name) reassured the public that safety is the paramount concern. “We’re removing the glasses… I mean, the crosswalk, to prevent confusion and ensure no one mistakes our streets for a shrine to rock and roll,” he said. Safety first, culture second. Or maybe never.

Meanwhile, historians are weeping quietly in the corner 🕯️📜, insisting that Buddy Holly’s legacy will outlive even the most joyless municipal mandates. But for now, Texans might want to practice walking without the inspiring gaze of their favorite rock icon watching over them.

So, farewell, Buddy Holly crosswalk. Your riffs may fade, your glasses may vanish, but your legend? Well… at least until someone decides that painting Elvis on a yield sign is, somehow, political. 🤷‍♂️