Drill, Baby, Drill! (But Please Ship It Somewhere Else)

In today’s episode of Energy Theater, America proudly celebrates its title as the world’s number-one oil producer. Cue the fireworks, wave the flags, and rev up the F-150s! Except… hold the pump handle. That sweet, freedom-flavored crude? A lot of it is heading straight onto ships bound for foreign ports. Because why fuel Main Street when you can fuel Main Street… in Singapore?

The logic is flawless: we chant “energy independence” at rallies, then turn around and export our light, sweet shale oil to buyers overseas who actually want it. Meanwhile, our refineries—bless their 1970s design—prefer the heavy, sour sludge from Venezuela or Canada. It’s like planting vineyards in Napa Valley only to ship all the wine to France while importing boxed wine for ourselves.

Of course, this system is “efficient.” Efficient for traders, that is, who pocket record profits flipping American oil on the global market. Efficient for politicians, who can still thump podiums yelling “Drill Baby Drill!” without ever having to explain why gas prices still jump every time OPEC sneezes.

So yes, America is swimming in oil… just not the right kind in the right places at the right time. Which means the next time you pay $5 at the pump, you can thank the miracle of global capitalism: we drilled it, we shipped it, and someone else burned it. You, dear citizen, just get the bill—and the bumper sticker.

God bless the free market. Drill, baby, export.