Federal Judge Politely Clears Throat, Tells Naples: “Yes, We’re Doing This”
🧑⚖️✨ Federal Judge Politely Clears Throat, Tells Naples: “Yes, We’re Doing This” ✨🧑⚖️
NAPLES, Fla. — In a development that sent pearls clutched across city hall and monocles popping into Negroni glasses, a federal judge has ruled that Naples Pride’s lawsuit against the City of Naples may, in fact, continue existing in reality. Shocking. Historic. Utterly inconvenient.
On Tuesday, a senior United States district judge — presumably armed with the Constitution, a sense of gravity, and zero patience for nonsense — denied the city’s motion to dismiss a First Amendment lawsuit brought by Naples Pride. 🚫📜
The ruling did, with aristocratic restraint, dismiss claims against individual city council members and the Naples Police Department (everyone enjoys a little pruning). However, the judge made it abundantly clear that the City of Naples itself remains seated firmly in the legal hot seat. 🪑🔥
🎭 A Drag Show, A City, and A Sudden Fear of… Safety?
The lawsuit stems from the city’s decision to force Naples Pride’s annual Pridefest drag show indoors, after apparently discovering that sequins, wigs, and lip-syncing pose an existential threat to public order. ⚠️💃
Naples Pride filed suit in April 2025 after the city imposed a collection of restrictions on its annual events — restrictions that critics say were less about safety and more about deep discomfort with joy, self-expression, and rhythm.
According to the nonprofit, these “rules” felt suspiciously like viewpoint discrimination wrapped in a reflective safety vest. 🦺✨
⚖️ The Court, Unimpressed
In the judge’s ruling, the court essentially said:
“You can’t just slap a ‘public safety’ label on something and hope the Constitution doesn’t notice.”
(That’s not the exact quote, but spiritually? Dead on.)
Jonah Knobler, counsel for Naples Pride and partner at the very serious-sounding law firm Patterson Belknap Webb & Tyler LLP (legal prestige achieved), welcomed the decision with measured confidence and barely concealed legal glee. 🧠⚖️
“The Court’s thoughtful opinion makes clear that contrived ‘public safety’ concerns are not an excuse to discriminate against viewpoints the City doesn’t like,” Knobler said.
“We look forward to the next phase of this case, where we expect to uncover and present even more evidence of the City’s unconstitutional conduct.”
Translation: See you in discovery. Bring snacks. 🍿📂
🌈 What Happens Next?
The lawsuit will now move forward, allowing Naples Pride to continue arguing that the city crossed a constitutional line while clutching a clipboard and muttering about crowd control.
Meanwhile, Naples officials are left to reflect deeply — perhaps on the First Amendment, perhaps on how drag shows keep surviving history with better costumes than everyone else. 💄🎤
Stay tuned as this saga continues, because nothing says Southwest Florida drama quite like federal court, constitutional law, and fabulousness refusing to be quietly relocated indoors. 🌈✨
