Florida Consumer Advocates Suggest Halving FPL Rate Hikes, FPL Responds with Stunned Silence

TALLAHASSEE – In a move that has left jaws on the floor at Florida Power & Light, consumer advocates—backed by the Legislature-appointed public counsel—have floated a radical idea: cut FPL’s rate hikes in half. That’s right, instead of squeezing customers harder, the proposal suggests Floridians should actually keep more of their own money. Outrageous.

FPL, known for its annual tradition of rate hikes as reliable as hurricane season, reportedly met the proposal with the kind of silence one usually reserves for spotting Bigfoot—or hearing someone brag about lowering their electric bill. Executives are said to be “processing this shocking development,” while shareholders have been advised to practice deep breathing exercises.

Advocates called the plan “a modest attempt to avoid wrecking everyone’s budget,” though industry insiders warn it could trigger bizarre side effects, such as customers experiencing something called “savings.” Some Floridians may even mistake the lower bills for a clerical error.

While the public counsel’s endorsement gives the proposal weight, FPL is widely expected to counter with its usual greatest hits: “unprecedented threats to reliability,” “devastating impacts on infrastructure,” and perhaps a new track titled “please stop questioning your bill.”

For now, Floridians wait with bated breath, daring to dream of a future where paying less for electricity isn’t treated like a revolutionary act of financial anarchy.