🚫 Florida Declares War on License Plate Filth: State Purifies Highways from “Obscene” Plates Like ‘LIL DIK’ and ‘HAWK TUAH’ 🚫

In a stunning act of moral heroism, the State of Florida has drawn a line in the asphalt. Yes, after years of tolerating license plates that could make a nun faint and a Publix cashier blush, the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles has officially purged the roads of “obscene” vanity plates.

The banned list reads like the fever dream of a 14-year-old Xbox gamer discovering puberty for the first time: A22HOL3, BIG TTS, LIL DIK, 69WRX, FUKA, and the cultural phenomenon HAWK TUAH (in all 17 of its creative spellings).

🚔 Florida’s Moral Compass Points Due North — For Once

State officials say this move will “restore dignity to the highways.” Because apparently, it wasn’t the alligator crossing lanes or the guy grilling shrimp on his tailgate that was the problem—it was DZNUTTS driving past an elementary school.

Governor Ron DeSanitized reportedly said the crackdown is about “protecting our youth from the corruption of cleverness.” Sources claim he personally struck down P00P BUT and DILDH0E after losing composure during a press briefing.

💅 The People Demand Justice (and Better Censorship)

Critics argue the ban is “anti-free-speech” and “anti-fun.” One Miami driver, who had just been denied his plate EZ AZ, told reporters,

“If I can’t express my identity through mildly perverted abbreviations, what’s next? You gonna ban truck nuts?”

Meanwhile, a Naples retiree lamented the loss of her personalized MYCLT plate, insisting it was “a reference to her cat, Clarity.”

🧠 The List Reads Like a Lost Civilization’s Dirty Code

The official list of banned plates, now public, is a sociological marvel. Somewhere between SHT KRT, PECKER, and TRANY, you can practically hear the collective snicker of the DMV staff trying to keep a straight face.

Particularly noteworthy are the variations of HAWK TUAH, Florida’s unofficial mating call, appearing no fewer than twenty-two times in forms like HUK TUA, HAWK2UA, H4WK2AH, and HAWKTUH — suggesting at least twenty-two Floridians thought they were the first to think of it.

🚘 Censorship with a Side of Sunshine

Still, some plates on the list raise questions. Why was FARTZ banned but GAS GUZZ remains legal? Why is ASSISIoffensive but ASSUME fine? And why does Florida have a problem with C0MFYAF — arguably the state’s only aspirational lifestyle plate?

The DMV offered clarification, stating:

“We reject any plate that is profane, sexual, drug-related, or could be interpreted as disrespectful. Unless, of course, it’s directed at Georgia.”

🌴 Final Thoughts

As Florida’s roads are purified of FUKMYBD, WTF FLA, and P00P BUT, the Sunshine State can rest easy knowing it has restored class and decency to a place where people ride jet skis through hurricanes and feed meth to raccoons.

The message is clear: You can drink a margarita while riding a lawn mower down U.S. 41, but heaven forbid your license plate says BIG TTS.