FLORIDA KEYS — Move Over Margaritaville, It’s Time for the Reefer Road Trip

Forget conch fritters, Jimmy Buffett, and that one guy who insists on taking a photo next to every single mile marker. There’s a new sacred pilgrimage winding through the Florida Keys — and it’s hazier than a Key West sunrise after too many rum runners.

Introducing: The Greeen House Trail — not one, not two, but three strategically placed dispensaries turning the 113-mile drive from Key Largo to Key West into a scenic, subtropical strain safari. It’s like the Oregon Trail, but instead of dysentery, you’re in danger of running out of snacks by mile marker 77.

Mile Markers & Munchies: The Stoner’s Scenic Byway

Key Largo (Mile 99):
The journey begins. Often referred to by locals as the “spiritual gas station” of the trip, this is where tourists load up, ask way too many questions about terpenes, and leave with both a pre-roll and a puff of enlightenment.

Marathon (Mile 50-ish):
Halfway there, and the philosophical debates begin: gummies or flower? Sativa or indica? Does the manatee know I’m high? All this pondered while clutching a footlong sub and desperately trying to find shade in the Walgreens parking lot.

Key West (Mile 0):
You’ve made it. Past the Seven Mile Bridge, the sunburned RV caravans, and no fewer than four shell shops aggressively hawking shark teeth necklaces. The Greeen House here greets you like a hazy oasis — complete with a budtender named Todd who will absolutely talk to you about the difference between THC-A and Delta-9 for longer than necessary.

Economic Growth… and a Snack Crisis

Local economists (and probably Publix managers) are already calling this the most impactful commercial development since the invention of the fishing charter. Gas stations along US-1 report record sales of Slurpees, and one stunned 7-Eleven cashier confirmed a single traveler purchased eight bags of Takis and an emotional support Twinkie.

Official Response: Cautious Chuckling

Monroe County officials issued a public reminder that driving under the influence is still illegal, even if the ocean looks “super sparkly right now” and you’re positive you can see Cuba from your Jeep.

Meanwhile, Instagram is bursting with influencers posting sunset selfies captioned “#blessed #baked #southernmosthigh.” Authorities are watching. Todd is proud.

Locals? Unbothered.

“It used to be fish and beer,” shrugged a local charter captain. “Now it’s vapes and vegan edibles. As long as they don’t feed the pelicans, I don’t care.”

Coming Soon: Branding Overhaul

Tourism boards are already workshopping a rebrand of the Overseas Highway. Working titles include:

• The Reefer Road

• Highway 4:20

• The Green Mile (Markers)

So if you’re planning a Keys trip anytime soon, bring sunscreen, good vibes, and a designated driver. The Florida Keys have always been paradise — now they’re just a little more elevated. 🌴💨