💸 Florida: Sunshine, Alligators, and the Lowest State Worker Pay in America 🌴
By: The Department of Obvious Irony

Grab your flip-flops and your sense of disbelief, folks — Florida has officially ranked dead last in the nation for state worker pay. 🏝️ That’s right, the same state where your rent can cost more than a small yacht slip now pays its government employees less than anyone else in the entire U.S.

According to a new report, Florida’s state workers — you know, the people keeping prisons running, schools open, and driver’s licenses semi-functional — are making less than their counterparts in places like Alabama and Mississippi. Yep. Even Mississippi. 🫣

🧾 “But Wait, Didn’t We Get Raises?”

Technically, yes! Governor Ron DeSantis has proudly touted six straight years of pay raises for state employees. 🎉

The catch? Those raises appear to be roughly equivalent to tossing a few extra coins into a wishing well and hoping inflation takes the hint. After housing prices, insurance rates, and the cost of a Publix sub (seriously, $12 now?!) — many state employees are still making less than their electric bills. ⚡💀

One worker allegedly said, “At least I can afford to drive to work… most days.” 🚗💨

🏢 The Sunshine State Savings Plan™

Florida officials like to boast about being fiscally conservative, but when your paychecks are this thin, it’s starting to feel more like fiscally invisible.

Meanwhile, tourists are happily paying $400 a night to sleep in Airbnbs that used to be affordable apartments. Locals are left wondering if the real state motto should be:
“Welcome to Florida — where the weather’s hot and your paycheck’s not.” ☀️💵

🐊 A Little Perspective

Florida’s economy is thriving, the beaches are booming, and developers are building luxury condos faster than iguanas can fall from trees. Yet somehow, the people who keep the state running are paid like they’re still living in 1987.

It’s almost poetic — in the same way a sinkhole swallowing your car is poetic. 🕳️🚙

🏖️ Final Thoughts

To all the underpaid state workers out there: thank you for keeping Florida functional despite your salary suggesting you might actually be a volunteer. ❤️

Maybe next year’s pay raise will at least cover a tank of gas… or, if we’re feeling generous, half a tank.

Until then, keep shining, Florida. You’re number one at being number fifty. 🥇➡️🏚️