🚨 Florida Teachers, Hide Your Tweets! AG Launches Social Media Snitch Portal 🚨

Tallahassee, FL — Forget lesson plans, grading, or recess duty—Florida teachers now have a new full-time job: policing their own social media. Attorney General James Uthmeier has just rolled out the “Combat Violent Extremism Portal,” because apparently, every tweet about coffee, cats, or casual politics could be classified as a threat to democracy.

Yes, you heard that right. One wrong emoji, one sarcastic meme, or one innocent “lol” could land you on a state investigation list faster than you can say #CancelMe. Residents can anonymously report any teacher post that might be “too extreme” or “controversial.” Even your late-night TikTok dances could be scrutinized.

Education Commissioner Anastasios Kamoutsas added, with the gravitas of a Bond villain, that teachers who celebrate—or dare to comment on—political violence could face license revocation. Translation: don’t even think about posting that edgy meme. Ever.

Supporters claim this is “a necessary step to prevent extremism.” Critics call it “chilling, Orwellian, and utterly ridiculous.” But who’s counting? In Florida, apparently, everyone’s counting.

So, teachers, enjoy that latte and double-check your grammar and political stance before posting anything online. Because in 2025 Florida, your next viral tweet could get you fired—or worse, investigated. Welcome to the social media Hunger Games, education edition.