In a jaw-dropping twist that’s got economists, CEOs, and yacht dealers all raising their glasses, Florida’s home insurance companies have finally cracked the profitability puzzle—by charging you outrageously more.

For the first time since 2015, insurers took in more premiums than they shelled out in claims, a milestone industry insiders are calling “a triumph of innovation” and homeowners are calling “daylight robbery disguised as paperwork.” The magic formula? Sky-high rates, shrunken coverage, and a fine print buffet of “not covered” clauses.

“We’ve really dialed up our customer service,” boasted one insurance exec from his brand-new 52-foot catamaran. “Service like patiently explaining why your hurricane damage isn’t covered because your roof was apparently ‘too roof-like.’”

Floridians have watched their home insurance premiums triple over the past few years, but the benefits are crystal clear—if you’re selling insurance, not actually living in a house. “Sure, rates are steep,” admitted another exec, “but have you seen our new headquarters lobby waterfall? It’s absolutely breathtaking.”

This industry comeback comes despite a record-breaking hurricane season, with insurers nodding gravely that climate change is “definitely a concern” — and “a perfect excuse to keep hiking rates indefinitely.”

State officials hailed the profit surge as a sign of “market stability,” clarifying that “stability” apparently means homeowners reliably paying more every single year without fail.

When asked for advice to struggling homeowners, one spokesperson offered some sage wisdom: “Move inland, buy a tent, and maybe don’t live in Florida. Don’t worry—we’ll still find a way to charge you.”