🎩 “Fore the Love of Progress”: Yet Another Golf Course Heads Our Way
By Marco Island Naples News | Satire Edition | Because Clearly We Needed More Greens 🌴⛳

Ah yes, Southwest Florida — where every spare inch of land must either be a gated community, a Publix, or, you guessed it, another golf course. This week, the development barons at Hoffmann Family of Companies announced their latest passion project near Estero: a brand-new golf club and course, because apparently 150 existing ones just aren’t cutting it.

“We noticed a tragic shortage of places for people to lose $5 golf balls and call it networking,” said one anonymous resident who definitely already owns three sets of clubs and a pair of white slacks.

The Hoffmanns, a group well-known for sprinkling luxury developments across Southwest Florida like powdered sugar on a beignet, say this new club will “enhance the region’s appeal.” Translation: prepare your wallets, peasants — the property values are about to ‘elevate’ right out of reach.

Critics, however, have raised mild concerns about land use and environmental impacts, suggesting that maybe — just maybe — wetlands and wildlife deserve a break. But in classic Florida fashion, those voices were drowned out by the sweet hum of golf carts and the clinking of martini glasses at the 19th hole.

Local officials were quick to cheer the announcement, citing “economic growth” and “tourism potential” — code for “we love ribbon-cutting photo ops and new polo shirts.” Meanwhile, environmentalists are quietly Googling how to relocate a family of gopher tortoises before the bulldozers arrive.

As construction plans move forward, locals can look forward to more of the same — lush green fairways, multimillion-dollar homes, and that uniquely Floridian mix of artificial lakes and real alligators.

Because in the end, nothing says progress like paving paradise for a place where you can pay $400 to chase a tiny white ball while pretending not to check Zillow between holes.

🏌️‍♂️ Fore! Progress, profits, and pretending we’re not all living on a sandbar.