“Highway to… Really Bad Decisions”: Teens Arrested with 400 THC Vapes on I-75

Collier County, FL — In what may go down as the most ambitiously misguided entrepreneurial venture of the year, two teenagers were apprehended this week on Interstate 75 after Florida Highway Patrol troopers discovered a staggering 400 THC-infused vape cartridges in their vehicle. Yes, four hundred. Not forty. Not four dozen. Four hundred.

The teens, whose names are being withheld because Florida still has some taste, apparently thought Interstate 75 was the perfect venue for launching their own micro-cannabis empire. One can only assume they envisioned a road-trip business model: “Stop at a rest area, sell a vape, repeat.”

Authorities, of course, were less impressed. The pair now face multiple charges for possession and distribution of controlled substances—legal jargon for “maybe don’t try to become a teenage drug baron while driving on a highway that sees more Florida retirees than Wall Street traders.”

Experts in adolescent decision-making weren’t shocked. Dr. Ima Snark, professor of Common Sense at University of Captain Obvious, noted, “Teenagers are notoriously bad at long-term planning. But 400 vapes? That’s not just poor planning; that’s a lifestyle choice in bold font.”

Local residents, meanwhile, are re-evaluating their own safety on I-75. “I just thought people were speeding and tailgating. I didn’t realize they might also be hauling a small, portable dispensary,” said one passing motorist, still clutching their steering wheel for dear life.

One can imagine the teens’ defense: “Officer, we were just, like… really passionate about vaping culture.” Sadly for them, passion doesn’t usually hold up well in court—especially when it involves hundreds of THC cartridges.

In the end, this saga serves as a cautionary tale for anyone under 20 considering a foray into highway-based commerce: sometimes, even in Florida, the road less traveled leads straight to a jail cell.