Judge Says Florida’s Bear Hunt Can Go On — Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
🐻⚖️ Judge Says Florida’s Bear Hunt Can Go On — Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
By Someone Who Definitely Isn’t a Bear 🐾
Well folks, grab your camouflage, your optimism, and your questionable interpretation of wildlife management, because a Florida judge has officially ruled that next month’s black bear hunt will proceed as scheduled. 🎉🔫🐻
Yes, really. Despite protests, lawsuits, ecological concerns, and the bears themselves filing exactly zero consent forms, the hunt is a go.
Judge Angela Dempsey politely declined an injunction that might have stopped the whole thing — presumably after flipping through Florida’s long, proud history of totally flawless wildlife decisions. 🌴😇
🏛️ The Court’s Decision: A Masterclass in “Sure, Why Not?”
After hearing arguments from conservation groups, scientists, activists, and possibly a very disgruntled park ranger with a PowerPoint, the judge ultimately decided:
“Eh… let’s let it ride.”
Legal scholars call this the “Florida Standard.”
So now, beginning next month, hunters will be allowed to remove up to 172 bears from the population — which is wonderful news for people who love:
dressing in orange,
waking up at 4 a.m.,
and pretending they’re on the National Geographic channel.
🌄📺🦌✨
🐻 The Bears, Shockingly, Were Not Consulted
Wildlife advocates argue that Florida’s bear population is still recovering, the data is outdated, and the hunt is unnecessary.
The bears, if they could talk, would probably say something like:
“We literally just got off the threatened list. Could you not?” 😒🐻
But alas, democracy has its limits — and apparently those limits stop just before including bears in policy discussions.
🎯 FWC’s Approach: If You Can Count It, You Can Shoot It
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission insists the hunt is essential for “population management” and “reducing human–bear conflicts.”
Translation:
“Some people left their garage bins open again and now the bears must pay.” 🗑️🐻➡️😱
Classic Florida.
🔥 Opponents: ‘This Is a Terrible Idea’
Environmental groups continue to argue the hunt is rushed, unscientific, and basically the wildlife equivalent of deciding to fix your computer by hitting it with a brick.
They point out:
The science is outdated 📉
The numbers don’t add up ➗🤔
And bear populations aren’t as stable as officials claim 🐻💔
But who needs current data when you have confidence and a hunting permit? 💪🎟️
📅 Coming This December: The Great Florida Bear Mistake 2.0
Yes, this is the first bear hunt in a decade. Florida tried one in 2015. It went… well, if your definition of “well” includes “ending early because too many bears were shot too quickly.”
But Florida is all about second chances.
For some species.
Not necessarily the bears. 🐻💀✨
📝 In Conclusion
Florida’s upcoming bear hunt is:
Controversial 😬
Scientifically disputed 📚❓
Legally greenlit anyway 💚⚖️
And very, very Florida 🐊🍊🌴
Whether you’re pro-hunt, anti-hunt, or just here for the dramatic plot twists, one thing is certain:
The bears are absolutely not fans of this article. 🐻🙅♂️📰
