🦎 Killer Iguanas Invade Marco Island (Until John Johnson Showed Up 🚗💥)

Move over, Florida Man — there’s a new legend in town, and he’s got a net gun, a sun hat, and 1,306 confirmed kills. Meet John Johnson, professional iguana terminator and local hero, who has taken it upon himself to reclaim Marco Island from a scaly uprising that looks like Jurassic Park met a tiki bar. 🌴🦖

The Reptilian Reign of Terror 🐊

For years, Marco Island residents have lived under siege — not by hurricanes or tourists, but by killer iguanas with zero predators, unlimited lettuce appetites, and a talent for pooping on everything that costs more than $500,000. 💩💸

The invasion was so bad that locals stopped asking, “How’s the weather?” and started asking, “How many iguanas did you hit backing out today?”

Enter: The Iguana Avenger 🦸‍♂️

Then came John Johnson, armed with Florida grit and a vehicle known only as the “Iguana Mobile.” Part pickup truck, part exorcism on wheels, this beast prowls the streets in search of cold-blooded chaos.

“It turns out iguanas don’t have any predators,” Johnson explained.
“I said, Excuse me, now they do.” 🔫🦎

Move aside, Batman — Marco Island has a man who can bench press an air rifle and shoot lizards before breakfast.

1,306 Scalps (and Counting) 📊

Since his campaign began, Johnson has personally removed over 1,306 iguanas, which, according to unverified sources, is roughly equivalent to the population of a small Florida condo complex. He calls it “saving the neighborhood.” We call it “eco-vigilante performance art.” 🎯

Armed with coffee, sunscreen SPF 10,000, and a soundtrack that’s probably 80% Lynyrd Skynyrd, Johnson spends his days cruising through backyards, canal edges, and golf courses, turning green invaders into Florida history.

The Hero We Didn’t Know We Needed 🌞

Neighbors cheer. HOA boards rejoice. Somewhere, an iguana is reconsidering its life choices.

John Johnson isn’t just a man with a mission — he’s the last line of defense between Marco Island and total reptilian anarchy. As he says,

“We’re gonna go out and see if we can find some iguanas and save the neighborhood.”

And with 1,306 down, we’d say the neighborhood’s in very good hands — or at least, very calloused ones. 👏

So if you hear a truck rumbling past your palm trees at dawn, don’t panic. It’s not an alien invasion. It’s just John Johnson — out there making Marco Island safe, one dead iguana at a time. 💀🦎🇺🇸