Because apparently, paradise isn’t free anymore.
Marco Island—the shimmering jewel of Southwest Florida where golf carts seem to outnumber common sense—is now flirting with the idea of putting a price tag on its bridges. Yes, you read that right. City leaders are considering tolls for the S.S. Jolley Bridge and the Stan Gober Memorial Bridge in Goodland, as if simply crossing onto Marco wasn’t already enough of a psychological toll.

This bold, earth-shaking, civilization-altering proposal comes from Councilmember Tamara Goehler, who’s taken on the heroic task of keeping Marco’s medians blooming and the city’s bank account flush. “It should work. I’m not sure it’s going to,” Goehler confessed—exactly the kind of confidence you want when deciding the fate of thousands of commuters, retirees, and beach lovers.

Of course, locals have Opinions™. Resident Michelle Cipollone, clutching onto the last shreds of optimism, voiced worries about tourism. “If people, you know, will be turned off about coming here,” she said, as if folks flocking to Marco for overpriced cocktails and a game of dodge-the-rental-scooter would suddenly think, “No thanks, there’s a \$2 toll.” Bless her heart, Cipollone still imagines Marco as a wide-open paradise, not an HOA in disguise.

Meanwhile, Naples commuter Briyanna Cunningham offered a refreshingly practical suggestion: a waiver for residents, renters, and workers. Imagine that—a system that doesn’t punish the very people keeping the shrimp cocktails flowing, the boats sparkling, and the margaritas blended. Truly revolutionary.

And traffic? Cipollone fretted tolls might cause backups, but Cunningham had a deliciously Floridian take: “I don’t think it would get much worse than it is now with the toll. Actually, it might get a little better.” Translation: If tolls scare off a few snowbirds in rental Buicks, everyone wins.

So here we are, Marco Island at a literal crossroads. Residents face a 34% tax hike (because those medians won’t mulch themselves), or every visitor pays an entry fee just to set foot on the “paradise” slowly morphing into Disney World—minus the roller coasters, plus a thousand HOA meetings.

Coming soon: FastPass+ for Collier Boulevard.