🐊❄️☕️ Naples Braces for Arctic Apocalypse: Falling Iguanas Herald the Arrival of Snowbirds 🦩✈️

NAPLES, FL — Grab your designer cardigans, Florida — a “blast of cold air from Canada” is reportedly invading Collier County. Yes, Canada, that frosty land of politeness and permafrost, has decided to share its misery. The result? Temperatures are expected to plummet below 60°F, which for Naples locals might as well be the Ice Age. 🥶🌴

Meteorologists are calling it “a mild cold front.” Residents are calling it “the end times.”

🦎 The Iguana-pocalypse Begins

Every true Floridian knows what this means: it’s iguana season.
Not mating season — falling season.

As the thermometer dips, these scaly sunbathers lose all will to live (temporarily) and drop from trees like prehistoric popsicles. Locals are advised to “watch for falling reptiles” — because nothing screams “Welcome to Naples” like dodging a frozen lizard on Fifth Avenue. 🦎💥

Tourists, of course, will panic:

“Oh my God, is it dead?”
No, Susan. It’s just napping until brunch temperatures return.

🦩✈️ The Great Migration of the Snowbirds

As the iguanas plummet, another ancient migration begins — the snowbirds. Retirees from Michigan, New Jersey, and Ohio will soon descend in flocks, bringing with them:

• A burning desire to drive 15 mph under the speed limit 🚗🐢

• Lawn chairs that match their sandals 👒

• And the unshakable belief that Publix is paradise 🛒✨

Biologists describe it as “a delicate ecosystem.” Locals describe it as “six months of bumper-to-bumper on Tamiami Trail.”

🧊 Naples: Frozen but Fabulous

In preparation for this so-called Arctic blast, Naples boutiques report brisk sales of “light sweaters” (translation: linen capes costing more than your car payment). Meanwhile, Starbucks is on high alert for a surge in peppermint mocha orders from residents who haven’t seen their breath since 1987. ☕️❄️

Thermostats across Collier County are being cranked up to a blistering 73°F — the local equivalent of emergency heat mode.

🏝️ In Conclusion

As falling iguanas herald the return of snowbirds, Naples enters its most sacred time of year: The Season.
Restaurants will once again require reservations, golf carts will multiply, and the collective humidity will drop just enough to ruin no one’s hair but everyone’s patience.

So bundle up, Naples. The cold is temporary — but the traffic lasts forever. 🚗💨

Local proverb of the week:

“When the iguanas fall, the Yankees call.” 📞❄️🦩