NAPLES, FL — Step aside, accountants—Alexis Garcia, the mastermind behind Tape Drywall Services Inc., has apparently redefined “business efficiency” by turning payroll into a cash-only escapade. Between 2017 and 2019, Garcia and an accomplice cashed over 3,600 contractor checks totaling nearly \$28 million—because who really wants the government snooping around their finances?

According to the Department of Justice, Garcia’s plan was straightforward: skim a small cut, pay foremen in cash, and voilà—workers get paid off the books, Uncle Sam gets left out, and Social Security and Medicare contributions? Those could take a backseat.

“The timely payment of these taxes is critical to the functioning of the U.S. government,” the DOJ noted, though Garcia’s creative accounting clearly had other ideas.

But why stop there? Garcia also “negotiated” with workers’ compensation insurers by underreporting payroll, pocketing extra savings. After all, if you’re going to break the law, why not double-dip?

Now facing up to five years in prison, plus fines, restitution, and supervised release, Garcia will have plenty of time to contemplate what some might call “bad decisions” and others might admire as audacious, if misguided, entrepreneurial spirit.

Stay tuned—maybe next he’ll launch a DIY tax-avoidance kit, available wherever laws are optional.