📰 Naples, Florida Weekly Roundup: Where Paradise Meets Chaos (and Stone Crab Butter)

NAPLES, Fla. — Ah, another glorious week in Naples — where the sunsets are free, the rent isn’t, and even the stone crabs are starting to side-eye your credit card limit. Let’s dive into what’s been shaking up our slice of “heaven with HOA fees.”

🌀 1. Tropical Storm Melissa: Because Why Should Our Hair Stay Dry?

Naples is once again in the cone of uncertainty — that magical weather limbo where everyone panic-buys batteries and then complains about humidity. Tropical Storm Melissa might hit, might miss, or might just ruin everyone’s outdoor brunch plans.
Local tip: If you see Publix shelves emptying faster than your 401(k) during 2008, it’s probably already too late.

🍽️ 2. Restaurant Inspections: Fine Dining or Microbial Roulette?

In Collier County, 11 restaurants scored perfect inspections, while 15… didn’t. Apparently, “extra protein” shouldn’t come from your silverware.
Naples foodies are torn between supporting local businesses and surviving dinner. If the waiter says, “Trust me,” maybe don’t.

🦀 3. Stone Crab Season: The Real Florida Gold Rush

Stone crab claws are back, and so are the people who spend more on dinner than their monthly car payment.
Local guides are recommending seven top spots to crack them open, because nothing says “I love Florida” like hammering at a crustacean while pretending you’re fine with $45 for three claws.
Pro tip: The butter’s free — but your dignity isn’t.

🏈 4. High School Football: Friday Night Lights, Florida Edition

Week 10 of high school football is here, where parents become sports analysts, refs become villains, and teenagers become local legends (for one week).
Collier County fans are ready to scream, sweat, and question the meaning of life as humidity hits 98% and the bleachers reach frying-pan temperature.

🏡 5. Real Estate: Cash Buyers Only, Peasants

In the local housing market, 56% of buyers are paying all cash — because nothing says “economic equality” like competing against someone who just sold their third yacht.
If you’re still waiting on mortgage pre-approval, don’t worry — you can still live here! Just maybe in your car. With ocean views.

☀️ Final Thought: Paradise Has a Price Tag

So there you have it — storms, seafood, sports, and sky-high property prices. Naples continues to deliver its signature blend of beauty, drama, and financial anxiety.
But hey, at least the sunsets are still free — for now. 🌅💸