Naples Mayor Learns the Hard Way: Dashcams Don’t Come with a Delete Button

Naples, FL — In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one who has ever encountered modern technology, Naples Mayor Teresa Heitmann has discovered that dashcam footage, unlike campaign promises, cannot be quietly swept under the rug.

Her legal team had mounted a valiant—if not laughably optimistic—effort to convince a judge that the incriminating video of her August 2024 DUI arrest should be banished from the courtroom. Their claim? The arrest was “unlawful.” The problem? The video reportedly contains such unhelpful details as the Mayor herself admitting she was, in fact, driving the vehicle. (Which, one imagines, is a bit like robbing a bank, then loudly telling police, “Yes, officer, I did it, but you didn’t have the right to catch me.”)

The judge, presumably pausing only to roll their eyes hard enough to trigger seismic activity, ruled that the video is very much allowed. After all, when your own statements on camera undermine your defense, the court doesn’t need Matlock-level brilliance to connect the dots.

A Modern Civics Lesson

The case provides a valuable learning opportunity for Naples residents:

• Dashcams are not magical devices designed to capture only the other person’s embarrassing behavior.

• Judges are not, in fact, tech-illiterate grandparents who can be convinced that a video is “probably AI.”

• And most importantly, when you’re a mayor, every bad decision becomes headline news—complete with puns that your opponents will recycle for years.