Naples Pier Rebuild: City Hall’s Favorite Mirage

Naples, FL — Remember the Naples Pier? That iconic landmark where locals fished, tourists clogged up the walkway with selfie sticks, and kids dropped more bait than they caught fish? Yeah, well, apparently City Hall doesn’t.

Since Hurricane Ian reduced it to a sad collection of pilings, the Pier has become less of a rebuild project and more of a running joke. City officials assure residents that progress is being made — which is technically true, if you count “holding another meeting” as progress. Naples taxpayers, meanwhile, are starting to wonder if those meetings are happening at the same pace as continental drift.

The city has released glossy renderings of what the “new and improved” Pier might look like someday. Because nothing says “commitment” like an artist’s sketch no one’s funding. Residents can now play a fun game called Spot the Difference Between the Pier and a Unicorn, since both exist only in pictures.

“We’re working hard behind the scenes,” officials repeat, which roughly translates to: “We’re emailing each other PowerPoints and hoping you stop asking.” At this rate, the Pier’s grand reopening will line up nicely with Naples celebrating its tricentennial in 2087.

In the meantime, the city has heroically managed to put up signs, some fencing, and, most importantly, layers upon layers of bureaucracy. Who needs sunsets over the Gulf when you can marvel at orange plastic mesh and a “Future Site of Naples Pier” sign that’s starting to look like a permanent art installation?

Naples residents are patient people — they’ve survived traffic season, HOA drama, and $30 cocktails on Fifth Avenue. But even patience has limits. If City Hall doesn’t pick up the pace, locals might just build their own pier out of plywood, Publix carts, and sheer frustration.