MARCO ISLAND, FL — In a masterstroke of economic ingenuity—and a bold departure from any concern for scenic beauty—local officials have unveiled a plan to eliminate the Marco Island bridge toll by transforming the entire bridge into a sprawling corporate billboard.

Why keep charging drivers a toll to cross when you can charge advertisers to plaster their ads across the span? That’s the thinking behind the newly minted Bridge Beautification and Revenue Enhancement Committee (BBREC), which promises a “win-win” solution.

“Why charge people to use the bridge when we can charge companies to show people the bridge?” said a BBREC spokesperson. “Drivers get to cross for free and enjoy an immersive advertising experience featuring everything from life insurance offers to fast-food deals and, of course, those essential legal services you never knew you needed.”

Early designs call for towering, brightly lit digital billboards stretching the length of the bridge—tastefully done, of course, meaning they’ll be visible from space and may temporarily blind any nearby seagulls.

Public reaction is mixed, ranging from enthusiastic support to mild grumbling.

“I think it’s brilliant,” said a local shop owner eager to advertise their “World’s Best Shells” gift shop. “Sure, the bay views might be obscured, but who needs sunsets when you can catch a flash sale on timeshares? Priorities, people.”

Environmentalists have voiced concerns about the impact on migratory birds, warning that the intense lighting and constant visual noise could cause disorientation. BBREC, however, remains unfazed.

“The birds will adapt,” said a committee rep. “Besides, it’s a public service—they’ll finally have something new to look at besides endless water and mangroves. It’s a modern, dynamic habitat. They might even enjoy the show.”

Details are still being finalized, but insiders reveal the inaugural billboard will feature a prominent local car dealership with the tagline:
“Tired of traffic? Buy a new car and sit in style!”

The dealership’s spokesperson gushed, “It’s the most captive audience we’ve ever had. They literally can’t look away—they’re stuck in traffic right in front of our ad.”