NAPLES, FL — Florida might be on the brink of its first-ever Toll Cold War. After Marco Island floated the idea of charging tolls to cross the Jolley Bridge, Naples officials fired back with a spicy counteroffer: a toll for Marco residents every time they try to leave their island paradise.

“Marco wants to monetize entry like it’s Disney World,” quipped a Naples city council member, adjusting his Tommy Bahama shirt. “Fine. But if their bridge is Cinderella’s Castle, then leaving Naples will be like paying for the parking garage. Want out? Pay up.”

The Naples proposal targets Marco residents, who often escape the island for essentials like affordable groceries, a functioning post office, and haircuts that don’t cost \$40.

As expected, reactions on both sides of the bridge have been, well, colorful.

“This is taxation without margaritation!” exclaimed Marco Island resident Donnie Caputo. “We already pay a premium for homes, insurance, and seafood towers. Now Naples wants to toll us just for daring to visit? Outrageous.”

Naples locals, meanwhile, are embracing the plan with enthusiasm. “I love it,” said retiree Barbara Finklestein while double-parking her golf cart at Publix. “Let Marco Island stew in its own coconuts. If they want civilization, they can pay for it like the rest of us.”

Economists warn this “toll-for-toll” tit-for-tat could escalate quickly. Some speculate Marco might retaliate by charging Naples residents for “beachfront sunsets,” “boat ramp access,” or even “breathing salt air.” Others worry it could destabilize Collier County, potentially pushing Goodland to declare independence—and maybe even build a moat.

Still, Naples leaders stand firm. “We’re not punishing Marco,” said one council member. “We’re just reminding them that if they want Naples’ malls, doctors, and brunch spots, they’ll have to pay mainland prices. Call it… bridge justice.”

The vote is slated for next month. Until then, officials suggest Marco residents start carpooling—or better yet, stay put.