NAPLES, FL — Drivers rejoice, art lovers despair: the Florida Department of Transportation has announced plans to erase Naples’ infamous 5th Avenue “road art”—those brightly painted intersection signs that have delighted, confused, and mildly traumatized locals for years.

“These painted signs are a hazard,” a DOT spokesperson allegedly declared, dabbing away tears of joy at the sight of plain gray asphalt. “Motorists were actually slowing down to look at them. Imagine—people not rushing through an intersection. Unacceptable.”

Pedestrians, too, have reportedly welcomed the move, relieved at no longer being confronted by the terrifying sight of a yellow circle bearing the words 5th Ave. “It almost made me smile,” admitted one latte-wielding resident, “but let’s be honest—color has no place in traffic.”

Art critics, naturally, see it differently. “It was more than paint on pavement,” said a local artist. “That yellow circle was a philosophy, a way of life. Now? Naples will be left with soulless tar.”

Insiders suggest the DOT’s next project involves coating every intersection in a soothing, featureless gray—hailed by officials as a triumph of safety, uniformity, and crushing boredom.

Naples, prepare yourselves. The city’s intersections are headed for a bold new era—one where the only thing to admire is the vast, unbroken monotony of asphalt.