✨🌈 Welcome to Key West: Home of the Rainbow Overlords 🌈✨

KEY WEST — Pack your flip-flops, your sunscreen, and your strongest pair of novelty sunglasses, because the Conch Republic has gone full-on Technicolor Warfare. After Tallahassee rudely yanked away the island’s Pride crosswalks, Key West is clapping back with an architectural glitter bomb: rainbow bike racks and a rainbow welcome arch so fabulous it makes Stonehenge look like a beige IKEA shelf.

That’s right — when you drive into town now, you won’t just arrive in Key West. You will be baptized in radiant, arching beams of gay joy. Forget Ellis Island; THIS is the real gateway to freedom. If Lady Liberty had a younger, hotter, more flamboyant cousin, it would be the Key West Rainbow Arch.

And don’t sleep on the bike racks. These aren’t your average utilitarian metal loops. Oh no. These are sassy rainbow lassos of inclusivity ready to cradle your beach cruiser, your rental e-bike, or, let’s be honest, your tacky tricycle purchased after two too many mojitos. Rumor has it they even hum “It’s Raining Men” when you lock your bike.

Local leaders have already teased Phase Two: rainbow trash cans, rainbow Wi-Fi routers, and a rainbow catapult that launches glitter toward Miami every hour on the hour. “If they thought the crosswalks were too much, just wait,” promised one city commissioner while holding a bedazzled gavel. “We’re basically weaponizing joy.”

Travel brochures are already being rewritten:

🌴 Key West: Come for the sunsets, stay for the retina damage.
🍹 Experience the only arch that doubles as both a welcome sign and a laser light show visible from Cuba.
🚲 Park your bike in racks so dazzling they could host their own drag brunch.

Visitors can expect souvenir shops to follow suit, selling miniature rainbow arches, rainbow sunscreen (SPF 100% Slay), and snow globes that rain sequins instead of snow.

And while the state may grumble about “excessive flamboyance,” Key West residents are clear: if you take their colors away, they’ll only come back brighter, louder, and with a karaoke soundtrack.

✨🌈 Key West isn’t just fighting back. It’s declaring itself the Vegas of Rainbows, the Vatican of Fabulous, and the eighth wonder of the gay world. ✨🌈