⛳🍊 BREAKING: Luxury Golf Course Apparently the Last Remaining Threat to Citrus, Wildlife and Human Patience

COLLIER COUNTY, Fla. — In what has become Collier County’s favorite spectator sport—Watching Developers Explain Why This Time It’ll Be Different™—neighbors packed a public meeting Thursday to object to plans to transform a South Naples citrus grove into an exclusive private golf course complete with up to 10 guest cabins.

Because, naturally, if Florida has been crying out for one thing, it’s another golf course. ⛳🙄

SWJR Naples LLC previously proposed squeezing more than 400 homes onto the Sabal Palm Road property, only to discover that hundreds of residents unexpectedly preferred not living next to another sprawling subdivision with traffic circles, golf carts, and the occasional confused alligator.

After county commissioners postponed a vote earlier this year following marathon public comments, the developers returned with what appears to be the planning equivalent of saying:

“Okay… how about fewer houses and significantly more sand traps?” 🏌️

Attorney Rich Yovanovich told attendees the company now hopes to build a private golf course and a handful of guest cabins—assuming Collier County agrees to rezone the land from agricultural to commercial first.

“We’re trying to come up with a reasonable use of the property that respects our neighbors,” Yovanovich said.

Which, translated from fluent Developer, roughly means:

“Trust us. You’ll barely notice the irrigation pumps, maintenance crews, luxury SUVs and occasional wedding reception.” 🌴🚜

Residents, however, seemed unconvinced.

Many questioned whether paving paradise with meticulously manicured fairways qualifies as “respecting” neighbors—particularly when the grove is surrounded by conservation land, protected easements and Picayune Strand State Forest, one of Southwest Florida’s most significant wildlife habitats. 🦅🐢🐊

Critics also raised familiar concerns:

🚗 More traffic.

🌎 Environmental impacts.

🏘️ Urban sprawl.

💧 Water consumption.

And the radical notion that perhaps not every patch of green land should immediately become a recreational playground for people wearing pastel polo shirts.

Developers argue the golf course would be a far less intensive use than hundreds of homes.

Residents counter that choosing between a massive subdivision and an exclusive golf course feels a bit like being asked whether you’d rather be chased by mosquitoes or no-see-ums.

Technically different.

Emotionally identical.

Meanwhile, wildlife in the surrounding preserves has reportedly declined to comment, although several birds were seen quietly wondering why humans insist on replacing orange trees with perfectly trimmed grass that nobody is allowed to walk on without paying thousands of dollars.

County officials will eventually decide whether the property deserves a commercial rezoning.

Until then, Collier County residents can continue enjoying one of Southwest Florida’s oldest traditions:

Attending public meetings where developers promise to preserve the character of the community while simultaneously changing absolutely everything about it.

🍊➡️⛳

Florida. It’s where every citrus grove eventually dreams of becoming a golf course.